Life is going well. I'm enjoying college, I got a new job at nola beans, and i have a new boyfriend named james. :O)

So i'm tired of dating. it is hell. no one wants the same things as me. the guys that do are totally repulsive to me. the guys i want to talk to are aloof or unavailable. so i give up.
This is whitney being asexual. This will be good for me. I can focus on hanging out with my girl friends more. I can read more. I can work more. I can study more. All together I will spend a signifigant amount of time being less frustrated and less obsessive.

Anyway I feel like a stalker when i like people that have no interest in me. So no more of that. Now, I will try my hardest to focus on me and on partying and being single and unavailable.

My heart will be like a fucking icicle.

maybe i'll start playing bass again?
or i'll draw more?

i'm generally disappointed in the male population that i know.
I dont even mean that in the romantic sense. I mean that even my friends who are guys have been letting me down lately.
Grow up. you're not a little boy anymore. It is time to face life.

I am stressed about the hurricane named Gustav. I just moved back in and it looks like i'll already be packing my bags to go.
I am not missing my art class saturday. we can evacuate once my class is over.

I'm in a black mood. I wish i were a little more artistic so that i could capture my feelings in some medium so that I could show u what I'm feeling. It is so frustrating.

He isn't who I thought he was.
I let myself care
I try not to care what he does.
I can't control
He never let me in on the secret
He never shared my feelings
I hid them
he doesnt know
he will never know
I dont want to talk
I dont want to feel
I dont think I can
I just want to forget.

my throat hurts.
saosin makes me feel better

"sorry for running
so abruptly
spoke too soon
why can't just let you love me?
the bigger part of your broken heart
reminds you of your loss
your mind reminds you
sweety he's just a coin toss

so call it in the air
call me in the air
i'm happy just to land anywhere.

I'll say to you
whats with the grin
you say darlin i'm just happier than i've ever been.
whatever takes i'll paint the picture just right
so perfect this time
stare at it
every sleepless night

so call it in the air
call me in the air
i'm happy just to land anywhere
call it in the air
call it in the air
I'm happy just to land
next to you anywhere

so...i'll let you rest your head
right next to mine
anyday on the bed
watch the light from the sun
peering through
and say the same three words to each other one thousand times

so call it in the air...."
Tony wrote this song after we broke up because i couldnt decide whether i could trust him or not. I changed his name in my phone to coin toss.
He saw his new nickname and got really upset but apparently this inspired him to write this song.

Now that we've been apart for a few months I realize how much I loved him. I don't know if I will ever let myself be that vulnerable again.

So. I used to have a deadjournal. Then i had a livejournal. But i have grown and changed a lot since both of those journals so i decided to start fresh with some new experiences and a different hopefully more enlightened point of view.